Things you should never say to your children
Parents have numerous responsibilities and one of them is to choose their words carefully. Your word choice may change a child’s world view or can help him develop his confidence and morals. But sometimes parents say such things which they really don’t mean and then forget about it. It may happen just because of their frustration due to their busy and hectic life.
They sometimes fail to understand that their children are very delicate and vulnerable. Your child can take your words very seriously, which can lead to various serious problems like depression, anxiety, nervousness, lack of self-confidence, severe fear, etc. It is very important to think twice before saying something so that you won’t regret it later. Also remember, what you saying is important, how you are saying is even more important.
If you don’t want your child to suffer throughout his life because of your spoken words, then here you go with the list of phrases which you shouldn’t say before your child:
- STOP CRYING: Parents often use these words to make their children silent. Because sometimes kids crying can get into your nerves. But, on hearing this child thinks that it’s bad to show emotions otherwise he will be scolded for his tears. Your child may grow silent but his buried emotions can make him an aggressive and depressed person. The correct phrase to say is “tell me what’s bothering you” or “why are you crying”. The questioning will provoke a conversation, which will help your child to identify his emotions. So, avoid saying “Stop crying” to your children from the next time.
- YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ADULTS: All parents want to make their children sincere. Most of the parents say that always listen to your adults. But, on hearing this child thinks that all adults are smart and good and I have to follow as they say. This phrase can be dangerous because your child starts to trust all adults including strangers. He/she won’t expect bad from their elders. You can never know the intentions of a stranger, who can do anything to your child. The correct phrase to say is “you should listen to your parents”. It helps your child to understand his parent’s teachings and to develop critical thinking for differentiating good and bad things.
- LOOK AT THAT LOVELY CHILD:
Einstein once famously quoted ‘if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid’. Every child is unique and has his own talent, believe in it and stop comparing your child with others.
Parents often compare their child with other children, which is the worst thing a parent does to his child. On hearing this, the child thinks that I am worse than others, and makes no sense to try anything. This just doesn’t work. It affects a child’s self-esteem. He may lose his self-confidence and can assume that he can never achieve anything. The correct phrase is “I love you; I know you can also do it”.
- YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW THIS: On hearing this, a child thinks, I want to know and I will ask someone else about it. You can’t neglect a child’s curiosity and enthusiasm. If your child asks you uncomfortable questions, but don’t get any response from you; He will get his answer from any other source, which can be less reliable. The correct phrase is “I’m not ready to answer now, I need some time”. Do not say no to your child, try to answer his questions, because his questioning shows that he wants to learn things, which is must for his education and all around the development.
- B IS FINE BUT A IS BETTER: Parents always want their child to do better in his academics. But excess of it can be poisonous. By hearing this, your child thinks, I am giving my best but I’m not reaching there where my parents want me to be. He may start making his own limits and can go in depression just because of your expectation from him. You should encourage your child rather than suppressing him with your wishes. Yes, it’s true that your child can do better, but there is always a correct way to empower your child abilities. The correct phrase to say is “I’m proud of you, you did well; keep polishing your skills one day you’ll be the best”. Don’t suppress your child. It can later lead your child to clinical anxiety.
- YOU’RE GOOD FOR NOTHING: A child sees himself through his parent’s eyes. Calling your child useless or good for nothing leaves a very negative impact on his mind. He can start to perceive himself like that with self-confidence issues throughout his life. Insulting your child is considered child abuse. You should avoid using such phrases to your child.
- WHY DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING HUNDRED TIMES: On hearing this, your child thinks that he is abnormal because he is not able to understand the things at one time. He may lose his self-confidence and won’t be able to ask questions anymore. It will directly affect his learning process. The correct phrase to say is “You should always focus to understand the things quickly”. It will help your child to understand that it is important to be focused and concentrated, while someone asks and speaks to him. Never scold your child for this, because, sometimes we also are not able to grasp the things in one time and he is still a child.
- WE WILL TALK LATER AT HOME: On hearing this, a child thinks, my parents might hurt me and they don’t like me. The child starts to assume that his home is a place where he gets punished. The parents become no longer loving, but threatening for him. The correct phrase to speak is “let me tell you what upsets me”. By hearing your point of view your child will take words and feeling into account while doing his future actions.
- STOP BEING SUCH A BABY: Parents should understand that their babies cannot behave or act like adults. By hearing this, your child thinks that being a baby is very bad. If your child is doing silly things, then try to look at the situation. They often do weird and silly things just because when they are nervous, anxious and scared. Instead of shaming them, look into the matter and help them solve it. The correct phrase to say is “Tell me what is bothering you” or “can I do something for you”.